“Reader response”: What the average, smart, “not so hot” but, adorable woman know that the “hot, dumb chick” does not know. Looks paid for and/or spent a lot of time “creating” tends to fade after a while. Aging does not discriminate. So, with that in mind, the smart, “not so hot” woman will ALWAYS win. She will have the look, brain, money and great sex to keep her man whether he strays (he will wise up and come back) or not.
Men will not admit it, but they do not want another man to have the slightest chance to take his woman. So, they will marry the “not so hot” woman. Men want the same thing that women want. Stability, spontaneity, nurturing and great sex wrapped up in a package all for him and only him. That’s what the dumb, “hot chick” fail to realize. She will be the temporary fix, while the “not so hot chick” will win, keep her man in the end and be added to will. After a certain age, women know what really matters in a relationship and one of the last thing she’s looking for is competition with another woman for the attention of an unstable, unappreciative, insecure, “only looking for the hot chick” man. (Ask the man that’s been married more than once). She will WALK AWAY. It becomes easier for her to do so.
If a man want a woman that spends a lot of time on herself so she can catch a man…good luck. When you stop giving her what she want, she know surgery, salon and the gym will get her another you! I believe in being myself and secure in what GOD gave me. Beauty is skin deep and will fade after a while. (That’s why the beauty business is a billion dollar industry. Yep, the fountain of youth has yet to be discovered). Oh, this will happen to a man as well. He will lose his hair, get a budda belly, become a “minute man in bed” (Viagra/Cialis is now your “help” pill) and snore. Yeah, and the “hot chick” will look for a younger you. In the end, substance is the only thing that will get and keep a man even if he does not or is not mature enough to admit it.
“Kevin Key responds”: Hello and thanks for writing me. I’m sorry to say this, but you completely missed the point. My article was designed to inspire people to step up and not settle for average. You can have it all, but most of the time, we just focus on having something. In the article, I never said the hot chick was dumb. I actually saluted her by saying she focused on exactly what she wanted. The hot chick is living it to the fullest in the moment. Of course no one can cheat time, but if you spend the majority of it “living”, then what’s wrong with that? The guys I spoke of got with the hot chick because of the spontaneity and excitement, not consistency. If the average, smart, not so hot chick got some fire under her tail, then she too can be exciting. If she spends just a little time on her image, then she too can catch eyes. If she took a moment to work on self-esteem, then she’ll meet more guys.
In the end, the “old hot chick” will look back on her life and say wow! I ate the finest foods, wore the best clothes and had fun with the most interesting / intriguing guys. At that point, she can truly settle down because she “did it”. If the “average, smart, not so hot” lady doesn’t start living, then she’ll be sitting up with the content washed up guy and wishing she could do it all over again. Yup, she’ll sitting on the couch eating ice cream and chocolate watching movies to live the life of adventure the “hot chick” has.
Now, ready for this? The answer to the question above is “all of the above”. Some hot chicks may seem flighty at times, but are actually very smart people. The thing is… They are smart about what matters to them. Yes they may not know who the current president is or why you must use the Pythagorean Theorem for calculating a triangle, but ask anyone, they can easily pull your man.
Now why is this? Lots of women come to me and say I’m smart, I’m funny and I have my own money. How can this floosy come and he be so consumed by something so limiting?
Ok… Here’s the brutal truth. Like I always say, we guys are driven by what we see. It may be very superficial, but true. The first thing we notice when we see a woman is how she looks, followed by how she carries herself, then we delve a little lower by checking out her shape. Oh and as a tidbit, when we have that look in our eye, we’re not thinking “I bet she finished top of her class.” Nope, we’re thinking “I wonder how she can work it.”
As I can’t say enough, we’re simple. Men simply don’t think that far down the road. We tend to start thinking that way after the infatuation starts to wear off. Interestingly enough, we start imprinting with you right about the time that you all feel we’re losing interest and don’t do the things we use to. LOL!
Now to go deeper. I’m going to speak about different groups of men to break it down. To start we’re going to pick the successful man. He doesn’t care about your education, because he’s just looking to have fun. Money is not an object because he has it himself. Plus, for the most part, successful men want it to be about them. They prefer to be catered to and a power struggle is not in the plans. The best situation for them is going out with a beautiful fun loving woman that thinks the world about them and makes them feel good just being around.
The hot chick knows her role and is happy playing it. She is not concerned about pushing her agenda because she doesn’t have one. Yup, she knows her only purpose is to make him look good by being eye candy and stroking his ego. The only plan she has is to look good going wherever he’s taking her and enjoy the adventurous ride of spontaneous gifts and lavish trips.
For the average Joe it’s even simpler. Most of his life, he has been made to look small. Whether it’s in his job, friend circle or family, he just doesn’t seem to come out on top. This guy doesn’t care about how good of a mother you can be or how good you are at saving a buck. Nope, this guy wants retribution. He feels that the hot chick is his way to show that he’s not so small. By having a hot chick, it actually makes him feel more confident. With her by his side, his self-esteem skyrockets. Even though most of the people are thinking “why is she with him,” he doesn’t care because the bottom line is that she is.
In this situation, once again, the hot chick wins because she gets to go shopping and be showered with lavish gifts and all the glorious attention she requires. Why should she trouble her pretty little mind about if she’s number one? That information is simply insignificant when you know your role. Just in case you forgot, the hot chick role is to make “him look and feel good”.
Yup! Every guy wants that girl that turns heads and makes the other guys say damn!
Now for the reality. Not everyone can be the hot chick. There are far too many important things in each other’s lives that can prevent this. Some may be that career, kids or any other life altering situation. I know everyone doesn’t care about fashion, makeup or even fitness. Some of you all think that hair and nails are simply a bother and you’re doing good enough just to make it through the work day. Others say it’s just flat out not that important.
If any of these are you, that’s why the hot chick is kicking your butts. You have to be the apple of our eye and can no more let yourself slip in appearance no more than we can. You can compete with the hot chick, but it will take some effort. Don’t dress, eat, walk and or talk like you don’t give a dang. You can beat the hot chick. Most hot chicks have one dimension. As the progressive, loving, nurturing, smart and creative woman, you have the potential to step your game up.
Genuinely taking an interest in what your man does is the first step. Playing a supportive role by saying a kind word will do wonders. A little “honey I believe in you, you can do it” goes a long way. When he has a loving foundation at home, it makes it harder for the hot chick to pass a few compliments and get him going.
Definitely avoid the routine life. Taking each other for granted is the first step in the “complacent relationship transformation”.
Don’t be a victim of the hot chick! It’s not too late. Guys prefer to have it all and you can be it all. Instead of thinking “why don’t men try to do the same to keep us,” take the time and really listen to what I’m saying. Rest assured there will be another article getting on us. In the meantime, don’t just join a gym and never go. Don’t just say you’re starting a diet and eat what you want. Let’s put action to these words to build the newer better you. Of course it won’t be easy, but nothing worthwhile ever is. I find that getting a buddy is extremely helpful. A system of accountability will do wonders.
Once you start seeing improvements, you’ll notice “your” self-esteem and confidence growing as well. “In”vestments never return void. As you increase your own stock, you’ll start to feel better and see more opportunities opening all around you. Yup, in beating the hot chick, you’ll actually reap the benefits all over.
I look forward to the new and improved you and I know you do too!
As I was trying to connect my new portable hard drive to my laptop, I soon was blessed with an awesome concept! Men are like USB… How in the world did I get that one you may ask? Well first, you have to get the right connect for it to even work.
Yup let’s start there. For us men, we unfortunately have to be motivated. You can’t offer us ice cream if we like cake and say it’s the same thing. Sorry, but you can’t trick the good old computer. Yes ladies, USB and VGA are not the same. Taking the time to figure out what cable goes where is very important. That principle is exactly the same as knowing your man. OMG, I know it’s a shocker, but you actually have to do some research. I can’t tell you all the number of inquiries I get asking why your man won’t do anything you ask him. For starters, I always ask if they know how to get his attention?
Very important indeed is it to let him know you want his attention. Huh? Yes you have to let men know that their complete undivided attention is requested. This is the next step in our USB example. It’s not enough to simply wave the cable in the air and magically think it will do something. You have to actually plug it in to the device that you want action from. As with men, we fix things. Unless you give us something definite to do, we take it like you are just rambling on about your day. Most of the time men think women just want someone to talk to. Unfortunately for you all, It usually doesn’t require any action at all. Most men have become use to this and devised a way to pacify your needs and still do what they want with a series of “ugh huh” and “yes dears”. Because of this, you have to “Plug in”.
By plugging in, you’re telling the computer, hey here’s something new that you need to pay attention to. After the computer acknowledges there’s something new, it starts waiting. It’s at this point you need to be concise and definite about what you want. Because you’re dealing with a computer, it doesn’t need to hear about how the new device makes you feel, it just wants to know what you want done with it. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that men don’t care, they just don’t care. Let me explain. It’s not that we don’t care about you; it’s just that this situation is not going to cause any life changing events to occur and so we reserve that energy for things that we feel are more important at the time.
If you don’t do anything while you have the man’s attention, it starts working on previous actions / requests or continues in the idle position (whichever is more convenient). Hold up! I know what you’re thinking. Even though you miss the window, you can just start barking commands again. Sorry miss, but it doesn’t work that way. While waiting or deciding what you actually wanted the computer do, it timed out. To put it simply, it’s not paying attention to you anymore.
Ok, don’t panic, all is not lost. If your computer is a relatively new one and hasn’t been filled up with useless tasks, you may be able to simply pull the cable and put it back in. Hopefully you’ll get the computers attention again. If not, it means your man has probably totally blocked out the request due to your impatience and or multiple cord pulls. Ladies, you can’t just go yanking cables. Sometimes it takes a little time before things happen. You have to understand we sometimes are running multiple tasks at once and it takes a moment before yours comes up. Also, at times it may look like nothing is happening, but the computer is actually performing duties in the background. This is especially true when the man goes into sleep mode, so be careful while waking.
If no action has occurred within a reasonable amount of time, at the bottom of the troubleshooting list is the restart. This is not always the best solution, but at times, things get so jumbled up with random tasks, cord pulls, conflicts and corrupted software that you simply have to cut it off and start all over.
Now, please don’t confuse powering off with erasing everything. “Power off” is the equivalent of “We need to talk”. After waiting for the computer to boot all the way back up, try to get your man’s attention again. Usually restart fixes most things. It allows everything to completely stop and start fresh. Just like I said earlier, once you get its attention, don’t wait. Put in your request immediately or something else may get priority and then you’ll have to power down all over again. As we all know, nobody likes to power down!
In the end, don’t be afraid to be blunt and direct, after all it’s a computer. Concise tasks, commands and specific jobs are what we’re designed for.
Have fun with your USB!
I’m single in my late 30′s and have always dated men my age or older. I feel we have more in common and are at the same level. But, lately I’ve been attracting men younger than myself (up to ten years younger). Honestly, right away I feel we will not have anything in common and will not give these guys an opportunity. Should I “let go” and go with the flow? Or, should I wait until my “Mr. Right Age” come along?
Hello and thank for writing me. To answer this question, it really depends on what you are looking for. There are of course exceptions to the rule, but typically older guys are a lot more reserved and cautious. This is because they have a lot more experience and ultimately mistakes under their belt. Also, older guys typically have more responsibilities. These can come in the form of kids, an x wife or even business obligations. Any of the above can greatly reduce room for raw spontaneity. A lot of older guys also have to contend with the image of their position.
On the flip side, they are more stable. By this I mean in all ways; financial, transportation and living conditions. Through time, you also become established and gain a certain amount of respect. Older guys also have better decision making qualities, which make them more suited to lead the family. Another plus is that you all will have more in common, which helps to keep the communication door wide open. It’s a lot easier to empathize with someone that has the same social stresses.
Jumping to the other side of the spectrum, younger guys have lots of energy, time and are ready to explore. The energy is obvious. By being young, they’ll still have that spring back metabolism. This means they’ll be pretty much ready for anything over and over again. Because most are not yet established, they’re schedule is going to be wide open. Of course this is outside of their partying and video games. As an older woman, you are also going to be very intriguing to them. There is nothing like having the “I’ve got an older woman” badge. As the giver of this badge, they’ll be attentive to everything you teach them. This canvas will still be wet, so you have a unique opportunity to do some molding.
Just like the older guy, they are some cons here too. The younger guy will be less consistent. They’ll have more of a carefree attitude because of lower responsibilities. Just like they’re so interested in you now, they’ll also be interested in the newer younger models too. Of course they’ll be appreciative to what you’ve taught them, but we all know young men are definitely led by their pants. The other thing you have to watch for is going to be money. Younger guys usually don’t have the funding to support your lifestyle because they’re not established. It’s not that they don’t want to, but simply don’t have it. On top of that, don’t expect much conversation. As the gap widens, the things that are important to you are less so to them and vice versa.
In the end, you have to decide what you truly want. The real question is stability or spontaneity? Are you looking to just go with it and have fun, or are you looking to take steps toward building something solid. Of course as I always say, there are definitely exceptions to every rule, but most are non-applicable.
Since you’ve never dated a younger guy, I say go for it. Have fun and enjoy it for what it is. Don’t put too much emotion or thought into it though. The less serious you make it, the better off you’ll be. If you’re going to ride this coaster, ride all the way to the end. Be sure to even throw your hands up through the loops, drops and turns. If it was good to you and you like it, get back on. If not, get off and find another ride that you enjoy. What works for one doesn’t work for all. The only way you’ll know for sure is if you try it out.
I landed a new job and recently relocated to a new state. My best friend of seventeen years (he’s a guy; I’m a girl) stopped talking to me. He will not return my calls and texts. Before, we would speak at least once or twice a week. Now, it’s been over a month since we have spoken. We did not have a disagreement. He seemed happy with my decision to relocate so I’m a little confused. Any advise?
Hello and thanks for contacting me… This is a very interesting situation indeed… The first thing that comes to my mind is that he really liked you and had other intentions than just being friends… A lot of times we seem to miss the obvious. As a guy, I can’t tell you the number of times that I sat there listening to the crying of a girl over a looser guy.
Yup, it’s true that I thought to myself, “why doesn’t she see me?” I felt like of all people, being the good friend that I am, she’s going to figure it out. Unfortunately that bright light seldom comes on. At least until it’s too late.
Women out there, I hope you all know that some guys will sit back and play the friend role just to keep the door open on their “opportunity.” Yup, I’ve said it plenty of times. Guys don’t have female friends. Women can, but we don’t. No guy sets out and says “hey there foxy lady, I was checking you out from across the room and I really want to get to know you and become great friends”. HA!
In this situation, I’m guessing your moving finally gave him the reality that you all would never be together. I do however commend him in being a true friend and wishing you the best. The down side is that at the same time, he was saying good bye.
Now before you all jump on my case, I’m not saying it’s right or that you’re at fault. The same reason he couldn’t speak up is probably one of the same reasons you’re not together.
In the end, you still have to communicate. No matter how hurt you are, don’t shut the door of communication. Completely going cold turkey on your friendship is a bit childish. I always caution relationships with incorrect motives. If you can’t be a friend for what it is, what is the point? I think somewhere in it you should find “unconditional, dependable or maybe even steadfast”.
Who knows, I could be expecting too much.
Either way, if you don’t lay out your expectations, you’ll quickly find yourself in a room full of disappointment and hurt with no one to blame but yourself.