Fights of Life

“Down goes Frazier, down goes Frazier”.  Many people have heard this statement from a familiar fight that took place between Joe Frazier and George Foreman for the World Heavyweight Championship. Foreman knocked Frazier to the mat the first of six times, roughly two minutes into the first round when Cosell blurted out this statement.  This statement is Howard Cosell’s most famous phrase as a radio commentator.  He also is known for his famous catch phrase “I’m just telling it like it is”.

Many people don’t want others to know when we are going down.  Life has a funny way of sometimes knocking us to the ground especially when we are least expected.  All we hear is the famous phrase from Howard Cosell in our heads as we fall for what seems like in slow motion to a hard place in life.  Instead, of asking for help we keep getting knocked out like Joe Frazier who happened to be the world heavyweight champion.  Even the heavyweight champion went down six times before the fight ended.  How many times will you fall before you ask someone, anyone for help?  We are so ashamed of our downfalls that we try to cover it up and hide what is really going on.

Real talk, or as Cosell would say “I’m just telling it like it is”, stop the madness in your life and first evaluate your life carefully to determine why you keep falling.  If you don’t understand what’s going on or why things seem to be on a steady decline in your life, ask someone you love and who loves you if they can help you determine why you are in this hard place in life.  Stop pretending like there is nothing wrong!  No one is exempt from having knock downs in life.  However, we are held accountable for what we do when we get up.  Maybe, you should go to your corner between rounds in your life to listen to your team tell you what needs to be corrected in your life.  Sometimes we need to throw in the white towel and call this particular fight so you can withdraw yourself to get it together for the next championship fight.

But you know what, many of us will not quit like Foreman who wanted to defend his title and his belt and stay in the fight because he did not want to give up or give in.  I’m not telling you to give up or give in; I’m just telling you to get it together.  Many times we step out before we are ready.  Make sure you are ready for life’s battles all the time not sometimes; as much as you can possibly prepare yourself.  Sometimes you don’t know that you are about to get knocked out and you did not prepare because you had no idea that this fight you are fighting was about to take place.  No matter the fights you have in life please remember, the fight may not always be called in your favor.  This simply means you just have to go back to the drawing board and get it together allowing God to be your coach and His Son to be your trainer and the Holy Spirit will provide you with the living water that we need so desperately to survive through the fights of life.  With a team like this you are predestined to win but it is your choice about if you will allow this team to get you ready for the fights in this thing called life.

By Tina Kay Hughes, www.tinakay.net

Lunch Atop Birmingham

Come this Thursday 11/10/11 from 11:30am-1pm where Tina Kay will be the speaker at the Summit Club that overlooks the city, located on the 31st  floor of the Regions Harbert Plaza (1901- 6th Avenue North); there is parking on the street or in the parking garage on 5th Avenue North side. Tina Kay will talk about transitioning from corporate America to becoming an advocate for sickle cell disease and a published author while living with sickle cell disease herself.  Please RSVP (205) 252-0088 to also enjoy a wonderful lunch for $15.  However, if you decide at the last minute that you would like to attend come and invite friends to come with you.  If you are not interested in lunch but you would like to hear Tina Kay speak that is fine also!  Bring your business card to win a few door prize.
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www.tinakay.net
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Do You Know Me?

Can I have just a few minutes of your time?  I don’t have much to offer you; money, clothes, or the stuff it’s of life, but I can tell you a little bit about some brown skinned people like you and me who seem to always get the short end of the stick. You see I live with a blood disorder called Sickle Cell Disease (SCD); and I did nothing but come into this world with it.  No fault of my parents because in the year that I was born and during that time period, there was no talk of this brown people’s disease.  Many of us brown skinned people don’t have a clue about this disease until it hits home!  Many of us who actually call ourselves sicklers and experience chronic pain, meaning the pain never goes away, it’s a constant, we don’t complain; but we listen to so many complain about the itty bitty things in life.  If you ask most sicklers when was the last time you can remember being pain free and the answer will more than likely be, “I can’t remember when”.  Okay, ask a sickler how many IV’s they’ve had in their bodies and they will show you a mirage of healed wounds that have now healed as they look like the track marks of a junkie.  Ask a sickler how many operations they’ve had or procedures just to stay alive and all they can tell you or show you are cuts on the body from surgeons, the wounds aren’t pretty but sicklers call these marks the battle marks of their life.  Ask a sickler how many blood transfusions they’ve had and I bet you a dime for every dollar that they cannot remember.  Ask a sickler how many trips to the emergency room they’ve experienced and can only tell you since I was a child; but as an adult I’m treated like a drug addict as I show them I have pills but they are not working, as I tell them how I can barely walk and they don’t even offer a wheelchair, if I’m brought in on the ambulance I am put to the side in the hallway (out of the way of drunk drivers, people needing simple stitches, and even people are put before us who have a simple cold and should’ve gone to their primary care doctor or a doc in the box); but we are put aside until they can get to us brown skinned people.

You see this disease does not care about our names, it does not care about what type of job you have or how much you make, it does not care about all the good things in the community and beyond that you are doing, this disease has no face, no sympathy, nor any concern about you and your household.  Does this sound familiar, like Satan who comes to kill, steal, and destroy your joy, peace, happiness, and wholeness.  We are always looking for a cause to fight, a remedy for something, or some nonprofit to give to; while people like me, brown skinned people all over the world wait patiently for someone to remember us in all the pain we endure, all the nights full of tears, as we take all the medication just to survive in this game called life.  Many of you may be sicklers and you don’t even know it until one day something happens and you don’t have a clue!  This disease has been described as broken glass traveling through the veins, but unfortunately the brown people who are not carriers of this sickle cell disease could care less because it has not affected their home, their house, their relative, or friend.  My brown people you are always looking for a cause, what about sickle cell disease.  How many of us have to die from complications of the disease, how many of us have to be disregarded and talked to and treated like animals in the hospitals. 

My name is Tina Kay and I was born with this disease, no fault of my parents that I have this disease.  Right now I am trying to make some of my brown people who do not suffer from this disease right now, to stand with us, speak out for us, listen to our stories of torment and have a heart to be a voice when my voice has been taken away.  The other part of that scripture is “but I came so that you may have life in abundance until it is overflowing with joy”.  Help me and others like me who don’t know what the day may bring or even tomorrow.  Stand up for a disease that plagues anyone who goes outside and tans brown (yep, think of all the nationalities that turn brown under the sun).  We want to live, we want life abundantly, we want children and to be able to live to see them walk down the aisle as they graduate and marry.  Stop looking for a cause, when one is staring you right in your face.

By Tina Kay Hughes   www.tinakay.net

How Much Can One Take

How many blows can I take…How many more hits can I take…How many times can I go without, cause somebody took my last, stole my joy, abducted my peace, misappropriated my feelings, and swiped the last bit of love I could give…How much can I take being pushed, being talked about, being screwed over, knocked down, kicked, tricked, and messed over…I’m tired of pacing and praying…I’m tired of hoping and helping…I’m on my last leg and my last nerve, I’m on my last…Now, you trying to kidnap my soul as I hang my head low with tears welled up in my eyes

This blood sucking worm is clinging to me like no other for some type of personal gain…sucking me giving me nothing in return but taking all I have…How many times do I have to pull this monkey of a worm off my back, out of my stomach, out of my mind, and mostly out of my heart….But still I sit and sit and sit; thinking…who gave this leech the audacity to even hang on to me this way, to be in my life to take away my yesterdays, and contemplate my tomorrows and to even make me shed tears without sincerely being sorry…ME!  I’m the fool, yep you got me today, but not another! Today, I take an axe, some scissors, a blade, and tweezers and pull your blood sucking parasitic existing presence out of my life…

God said His yoke is easy and His burden is light…So, I’m going to have to be about faith and trust today that as you are cut away from my life you will come to understand, you just ain’t right!  I can’t take it, you, this, what no more…I’m going to be alright sometimes this is just the way life goes, but it’s all right cause I just can’t take this no mo’!  I’m His child with favor and grace and He has me forever.  Selah

By Tina Kay Hughes www.tinakay.net

Character Check

“It’s my ball punk” were the words of a little boy mad because he could not have his way and because he was loosing and looked upon as inferior as others picked him last for teams, no one would pass him the ball, and he had two left feet.  So his only resort was to take back what belonged to him, his ball, so no one could win if he could not win.  His pride and ego were damaged as he walked home not looking back at the kids that teased him until he was no longer in earshot or eye view of the crowd of boys in the park.

We’ve all had instances in our lives where we wanted to say give me back my stuff because you are making me look bad with “my own stuff”.  No one likes to be in the company of a sore looser or a gloater who goes over and beyond to let everybody know how good he is at his craft.  Early on in my life, it was not an option for me and my brother to 1.) Participate in sports 2.) Go to church and 3.) Treat others the way we wanted to be treated.  We had to play team sports to teach us how to be a team player and work with others.  We learned we are not an island unto ourselves and in life you will not be able to do all things alone; but you will need the help of others and in turn others will help you.  There were many times I would play a basketball, softball, or volleyball game and at the end of each game we (as a team) would walk in a line and hit the hand of the opposing team and say “good game” regardless of how we felt (because we lost) or even if opposing team would not touch our hands or come out to walk the line (because they lost).  Now, there were times when the opposing team did not want to touch us or even say good game because they lost; our coach would not let us gloat and he would remind us of past losses and we still have the rest of the season.  It felt good to win but it felt doubly awful to loose a game.  This was the lesson in life being taught at an early age, that you may not win them all but how you react after loosing told a lot about your character.  Even though you loose, because you will definitely not win them all, will you be like the little boy in the park and say give me my stuff/ball and I’m going home or do you show up the next day for practice ready to become a better person, a better team member, and a better overall individual.  A lot of people don’t understand that loosing is apart of life, you will never win them all; but you will have the opportunity to come back to try again.  The key is picking yourself up and dusting yourself off and getting up with the mind set that this is not the end, I can do better, get better, and be a better person.

This analogy that I am using about team sports is one most parents should use to raise their children along with planting a seed of God’s love within their children so long after a child has left the safety net of Mama and Daddy, not only is this team concept embedded in them but God’s seed of wisdom and love is there for that child, now grown up to reflect upon to pick themselves up, dust themselves off, maybe even dry your face from crying, and try again; with a right attitude.  Remember in this thing called life as you reflect on the team concept and God’s love- people remember you by what you do and not so much what you say.  Our children today are missing out on so much from days of old when it was not an option to go outside on Saturdays to play with others which is where one begins to learn the concept of being a good sport, treating others the way you would like to be treated, and have God’s seed planted in our children early in life.

Today’s days and times are so different.  Many would rather give up instead of getting better, practicing, believing tomorrow will be a better day, all days will not be like today, and how you treat others is a reflection of your character.  So, let’s regress a little and begin to do all the things our parents did to and for us to make us the people we are today.  Thank you to my Daddy (Peter Hall, Sr.) for being my coach, my biggest fan, inspiring me in your own quirky way, and exposing me to God’s love and wisdom.  Selah.

By Tina Kay Hughes www.tinakay.net

Ride or Die

A ride or die chick is a woman who is going to be there no matter the circumstances…some may call her a phenomenal woman…but I’m going to describe her to you in a way you can understand who and what a ride or die chick is, you may know a few….This is a woman who handles her business in all areas of life (at work, as Mommy, as Wifey, as the cook, as the maid, as the at home doctor, at church, as a girlfriend to her good friends, as sister/auntie/cousin)…she’s not the type of woman to leave cause circumstances in life get a little rocky or even so bad that some situations feel like she’s been stabbed in the back or punched in the stomach, she’s still going to roll on, picking up the pieces and putting them back together when needed…she is the type of lady that when she enters the room all eyes are on her because her stride is like a Clydesdale horse, her skin and makeup is flawless, her nails are manicured, she is not a hutchie because she carries herself as a woman should, she does not tolerate or even participate in useless and nonsense chitter chatter, she does not have time for gossip she figures it’s not going to help her in the life she is living so she presses on pass the mess…her clothes fit her just right (not all tight and showing all of her goodies) but she leaves something for the imagination…this woman is like a fine aged wine because she’s seen a lot and been through a lot but you would never know it by looking at her…her conversation is extensive because she did not grow up in suburbia, but she still claims her hood, so she can understand and talk to you on a street level or she can come at you  talking about present day news, the stock market, or her last board meeting because she does have degrees from colleges that prepared her for the real world…This woman can pull up to the finest restaurant in her Mercedes for valet to open her door and give her a hand while she gets out of her car in one of her baddest dresses…she will also get on the back of a motorcycle with her Apple Bottom jeans on with her own lid that she had designed specifically for her and her hair …she will show up at a conference as the keynote speaker or she will go to the hood to talk to young girls living in a group homes to give it to them straight and let them know there are choices in life, but they have to make the right ones…Many women look at her and despise her and even envy her but they don’t understand how this woman became the woman she is today, the woman they see before them, she does not play like she’s grown because she is a grown woman…they don’t understand she is that ride or die chick who will be there through thick and thin in her relationships, when her health fails her, on her job or own business, when people choose to no longer be her friend, when the church folk forget her, when life throws more than a few raw deals at her…she is still going to be that ride or die chick till the end…she is cold and she knows it, but she is not arrogant about how she bought every thing she has with her own money and resources and she chose a man to be in her life because she loved him and he complimented her; not because she was expecting him to fulfill her material needs, because she got this all by herself…This woman is bad!  Any man would love to have her by his side but sometimes she is unapproachable not because she tries to, but because that’s how she learned to make things happen in life; if you approach her don’t step to her with ignorance but something that will peak her interest….this ride or die chick depends solely on God and has faith that her life has been predestined to make a difference in life, not just her own but for so many others…she has a giving spirit, a bleeding heart for those in need, and love to give to those who need it, a smile and hug for those she greets…Even though she is from the hood and she is this ride or die chick who will never forget where she came from and how she grew up with 3 pair of shoes and wore the same clothes every week…she trusts and believe that God can and will move mountains if one would only have the faith of a muster seed…so she not only believes and have faith for things to happen in her own life, she stands in the gap for others when she goes to God in prayer….Yes, this ride or die chick is a bad chick and she does not try to be, it just comes naturally because she knows her life is not her own but she is a vessel being used by God to make a difference in others lives….Go ahead all you ride or die chicks, keep doing you, you will always going to have haters and if you don’t have any haters you must not be doing much in and with your life….I salute my sisters who are ride or die chicks cause we hold it down when it seems everything is about to go up in the air….Ride or die or move out the way!

By Tina Kay Hughes, Author of “TKay’s Inspirationals:  Walking In Your Season”

www.tinakay.net

Happiness

Is love enough at this point…All these years don’t mean nothing if there is no happiness attached to it …Happiness, real happiness is so hard to find…Sometimes you have to bend for happiness, you have to spit up and out some stuff for happiness, you have to cut away some people and things for happiness, sometimes you have to move for happiness, sometimes you just need to sit still peacefully for happiness…you have to let things go that you thought made you happy for happiness sake…Happiness looks so far away when you’ve moved too many miles away from it, thinking happiness was out yonder…Happiness what can I say, it is not manufactured, it is not assembled, it is not constructed, it is not put together, it is not prefabricated…Happiness just is…God says happiness is a fruit of the spirit which is something only He can make, so if it is a fruit of the spirit then God not man orchestrated happiness…and if God made happiness and placed it’s seed in each of our spirits that is found within one’s self…then this fruit must be given the right conditions in which to grow, to bud, to blossom, to live, flourish and grow…However, if you live in an environment where happiness’ growth and maturity is stunted by people and things in your life, why are you looking for happiness in a place where it will never be found…you’ve been fooled!  I tell you no matter how many things you have, no matter how many people you know, no matter how you try to please someone who is just using you…no matter your socioeconomic place in society, each one of us was given a seed of happiness…and these hopeless things and people we look to make us happy will never create the right space in your life for happiness to have it’s place in your life…Until we put those things to rest that suck out of us what God has so graciously given us, this seed of happiness, we will never understand, taste, have, or even be able to pass this seed to others…Happiness is not something that comes and goes, you can tell when someone has entered that territory of happiness….There is a glow about them…Happiness as I’ve described it is like a plant that needs nurturing and territory to grow so your happiness (these seeds or buds found within self) will be infectious and leave those spell bound when in your presence because your happiness has grown like a vine leaving seeds where ever you go, now that’s happiness-Real Talk- Selah

By Tina Kay Hughes, author of “TKay’s Inspirationals: Walking In Your Season”

www.tinakay.net

Love Is….

A child once said, “Love is like a virus with no cure; it’s a connection.”  This statement made me smile because it made me realize children really think about who loves them, their surroundings, who the key people in their lives are and the treatment received from others.  A child has the ability to tell it like they see it without being convoluted by the way of thinking and opinions of adults.  Children have the natural talent of saying it like they see it, with no strings attached, with no expectations, and using their eyes to distinguish and interpret things for themselves.  One little boy put it like this, “Without family who would you be?  It’s like half of you is missing!”  Children are so unfettered and not layered with disappointments, heartaches, and heart breaks; they simply tell it like they see it without asking any questions.

Why can’t we be like small children who can see pass a person’s faults and still accept you, still love you, still remember you, and have an ability to love unconditional because God has given them this uncanny gift of seeing pass our faults and knowing in their little brains exactly what we need.  They hug you in the middle of a conversation, they leap up for a kiss because they just know you will catch them and lift them up, and their hearts are so full of love because they do not hold grudges, even when we don’t keep our end of the bargain.

Everyone goes to Corinthians in the bible to describe in the way Jesus taught how love should be displayed, shown, given, and taken.  But we have these small people all around us everyday that God has already placed His kind of love into our children.  Just watch and listen we can learn a few things from those we are trying to mold and teach.  Don’t damage their way of loving, because it is the best thing they have to give us each and every single day.

By Tina Kay Hughes, Author of “TKay’s Inspirationals: Walking In Your Season”

Live or Exist Is The Question

Someone recently wrote me and said he was captivated my life’s motto “Are You Living or Simply Existing”…I asked do you have Sickle Cell Disease?

 

I struggle with a disease not people, because I only allow positive people in my circle….I struggle with SCD not simple minded things, because this disease has shown me how to choose my battles wisely….I struggle with a disease that feels like broken glass sliding thru my veins & from this I’ve learned to enjoy life to its fullest-drama free in an environment God has allowed me to create…or every time I am admitted I go to post-operation for an anesthesiologist to place a central lines in one of the large veins in my neck, but what I’ve learned is things could be worse….I’ve completely lost the hearing in my right ear but this has taught me to appreciate the other senses God has given me….life can be hard no doubt and I am not belittling anyone’s problems, I can only speak about me..

 

I wish you could see what I go through day in & day out struggling with a disease (in & out of the hospital, the pain, the needles, the blood transfusions never cease) & it seems at times no one cares about this “brown peoples disease’” but I’ve come to realize God has given this gift this mission, this journey that only I can accomplish for others…I don’t complain because for every mission life gives you orders about something you need to do in life, you can do the easy way (just do it, by following His lead) or you can do it the hard way (take your time, go the other way, ignore Him- and see where it gets you) eventually you will do what He told you to do; and not in the most pleasant manner….

 

Ask God what He would have you to do & believe me He will give you an answer that only you can achieve and no one else, so be ready & stop existing today & start living…

By Tina Kay Hughes author of “Tkay’s Inspirationals:  Walking In Your Season”  www.tinakay.net

Celebration of Life: A Red Carpet Event

September is Sickle Cell Awareness Month and this year marks the 100th year discovery of Sickle Cell Disease in America.  Watch the posts all month right here on Urbanham as you learn about Sickle Cell.  Support this event that affects so many who consider themselves as the forgotten within our community.

We will cap off the month with a “Party With A Purpose” at the Steel on Thursday, September 30, 2010 from 5-9pm hosted by Iva Williams.

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