I Used To Love You

The truth is we loved each other a long time ago and there is no way to get back what we once had.  At one point in my life I would do whatever you asked, I would go where ever you said go, I would hang onto your every word, and wait for you…longing for our next appointment with destiny…You would never miss a beat always saying the right thing when it needed to be said, always giving me what I wanted, always being there when I felt no one else was there for me…I pushed all my family and friends away so you could occupy every free moment in my life…I loved you, I depended on you alone, I waited in anticipation for you…what would our next thrill be and what would we do next to give me an adrenaline rush, I would sit on the porch looking down the street for your car to come along, I would watch my phone for your number to appear so I could hear your voice…I would check my computer for your messages and check the mail for just a simple letter.

 

But today, I look back on how I adored you and wonder was it adoration or simply stupidity on my part…You tricked me so many times….Your lies were like the words to my favorite love song…Your actions and touches would make me melt like an ice cube…You could sweep me off my feet with the I’m sorries and please forgive this and that and I would accept it because I loved and missed you…and I would fall head over heals for it each time, not knowing I was being literally pulled in to a dark hole with every thing I accepted and believed from and about you….

 

So I stand here in this deep dark hole where you’ve placed me while you prey on your next innocent and clueless victim…Here I stand, just me and darkness and I am looking up for the light that will guide me back to the only One who called and considered me His beloved.  I stand here alone thinking what have I done and how did I allow these tricks and lies to bring me to a hole for me to die a slow death all alone…but I began to call out to my Adonai (my God who is the Master of my life), El Shaddai (you are sufficient), El Roi (you see everything),  My God My God you are the comforter of my soul, you are the only One who can wrap me in your wings so that not even my feet are harmed or hurt the enemy…I cry out with a wail that I’ve never heard come out of belly before this day at this moment in time….I wail because I realize I’ve been bamboozled by the Master of Lies, Satan himself….he fed my flesh, brainwashed my thinking, and kept me running in circles so I would not understand or even recognize his plan of trying to take my life for his own…But what Satan failed to realize is, God planted a seed in my soul that could never be removed when I accepted Him so many years ago…he thought he could woo me, trick me, and leave me in a hole to suffer in silence…Satan did not know God already had a plan in place and a dance with destiny for my soul…Satan can trick you and lure you, but Jesus has already paid the ultimate price for you to belong to our Father if we would only accept Him…God takes even those of us who have hit our bottom who are looking up for the light…

 

You see my dance with destiny was my choice, but as I laid in that hole waling from the deepest place in my belly God heard my cry, and told me My Beloved I love you, I’ve never forgotten you and I knew you would come back to me as He held His arms out to embrace this wounded and broken soul….no longer confused but now I have a better understanding of unconditional love…God wants me no matter how I look or what I have to offer; whereas, Satan used my weaknesses to lure me into his traps….I thank God for taking me back and loving me with no conditions attached, and His forgiveness, huhh He throws all my shortcomings into the sea of forgetfulness….Yes God rescued me from that hole and He has never stopped loving me in and through all of my foolishness…He was only waiting on me to come to myself and realize no one or thing can ever love me like He can…Now I realize and recognize and I am very weary of those who come into my life….I ask God, should I allow this person into my space, my life, and my secret place….Now I wait for God to let me know who is good for me and who is not.  The truth Satan, is we loved each other a long time ago and there is no way to get back what we once had. 

By Tina Kay Hughes, Author of “TKay’s Inspirationals:  Walking In Your Season” www.tinakay.net

I’m Just Saying

People love to preface a sentence with “I’m just saying”. It seems that people even have the nerve to say this at the most inopportune time! I’m just saying conotates “I told you so”, “You should have listened to me”, “Why did you do that anyway” or maybe even “That was stupid”. It is a slogan that really gets the listener on the receiving end on edge and angry. When I think of this slogan I think about Job’s ignorant friends and stupid wife! Job’s friends had the audacity to sit around for seven full days looking crazy at each other and at Job and then finally accusing him of doing something wrong. I can hear them saying “I’m just saying you must have done something to cause this wrath to come on you at this magnitude, but I’m just saying.” Job got so frustrated with all of their foolish talk and told them, “Don’t talk like a fool! If we accept blessings from God, we must accept trouble as well.” Despite all that happened, Job never once said anything against God, because he knew in his heart of hearts that God had his back. Job was unable to see the forest for the trees because he was having a valley experience and he recognized this. When you are in the valley you don’t know what’s going on or in the works outside of that valley. However, he was not content on pitching a tent and staying in that valley. Job placed his trust in God and only God because that was all he knew to do at that particular juncture in his life, and on that he stood; in trust, faith, hope, and believing in what he could not see with his own eyes or come to a conclusion with his own mind was not his final destiny in life.

We must be mindful of the people we bring into our circle, our space, and lives because they love to share and actually invite themselves to be apart of your life when things are well, but when things start making a turn for the worst there they stand with these words, “I’m just saying”. Sometimes we need to take that “I’m just saying” that is coming out of the mouths of other people into your life and rebuke it! Remove yourself from their presence, and tell them to get to stepping. This is what Job told his shallow wife and friends to do.

I’m just saying gets tired and old real fast when you are experiencing these valleys in our life. We must take note of the situation, pray, wait on God to move, and be patient that He has already worked out the kinks in this thing called life. You see a test is between you and God, while a trial is for everyone to see how you will react and respond in these valley experiences. When you are in the valley, don’t be still and set up a tent to stay there! These valley experiences test us, try us, give us more faith, and teach us to believe in God and not man. So, I’m just saying when you are in that valley take heed and note because you are being tested as you go through the trials in this life. You can remain there with those ignorant, unfaithful, unbelieving folks if you want—and you will be there for a long while. The other option is to never give up hope or faith and believe God always has your best interested at heart because He has called you His Beloved, and even engraved your name in the palm of his hand to remind Him of how much He loves you. So, remove yourself from those in your life who speak doom and gloom, just like Job’s close friends and family just like those who are doing the same in your life. God can provide you with new friends, new experiences, and a new life as you come out of the valley to the other side to see all He has always had in store for you, even before the beginning of time. He was just waiting on you to stop with the “I’m just saying” and allow God to say “I am saying”.

By Tina Kay Hughes Author of “TKay’s Inspirationals: Walking In Your Season” www.tinakay.net

Love Is a Funny Thing

Love has a funny way of bringing emotions within you never knew existed to the top; like oil in a glass of water.  Trying to separate the two can be done but when it is separated something goes missing.  I’ve always wondered the Real meaning of Love instead of the text book meaning…When you know love, it’s something you can’t live without, it’s that thing you long for, it’s that funny feeling you can’t describe, it makes your heart race and your body quiver…I don’t know how to describe love but I don’t want to use the text book version nor the dictionary version, I want to use real live meanings…Something you can feel and you know without a shadow of a doubt that it is real.

 

In the movie Seven Pounds, there is a man who has found love once again but can’t allow the new love that has found its place in his life to experience the hurt, pain, and the possibility of not living a full life because he has a mission he feels must be accomplished.  So he gives of himself, which was his initial intension prior to meeting her, but along the way he fell for and in love with this woman who has a broken wing, and he never expected to fall in love, not like this, again.  Of course I love happy endings!  However, so she could live he gave his own life so she could live life to the full; but it is sad because she never has the opportunity to live life with him.  She’s left with could’ve, would’ve, should’ve which hurts more than loosing him.  What If? It just leaves you wondering.

 

Love is a funny thing, and sometimes you have to let it go and if it is yours and is really meant to be it will come back to you.  When people love they tend to carry a lot of baggage from past relationships to a current relationship, instead of dropping those bags of disappointment, anger, distrust, low self confidence, and all the things that would not allow new love to flourish into a new place, a new thing, and new realm of possibilities.  The bag I speak of should be left at the door as you enter a new relationship so you can allow those old wounds to heal, and just love.  God sends all kinds of people into our lives, who are sometimes angels in disguise just to show and teach us new things and help you move to a place of forgiveness so you can open your self up for love.  We underestimate God when it comes to the power of love, but we should just try God once to lead and guide you to a place where love is waiting for you and you alone.  By Tina Hughes (TKay)  Author of “TKay’s Inspirationals: Walking In Your Season”  www.tinakay.net

Not To Feel

There is a place in life where the only way you can live is not to feel, until you come to a place in life where you understand that there is a dependency on all types of things in life that have no substance, no purpose, and no value….not to feel causes one to lower their self sufficiency and self value so there are never any disappointments when someone has done you wrong, or here we go again with the drama, or when your body begins its decline. To not feel is a way to put up a wall that allows you to live but not really live, I know you are wondering who lives like this? So many, so many who don’t want to admit it, so many who are not willing to raise their hand, so many who have given of themselves until their hearts bleed, so many who have opened up but now they feel gutted out…..and you ask me who are these people who learn to live a life not feeling in order to live….it may be you, it may be me, it may be your neighbor, lover, or friend…not feeling allows one to push pass the sadness, the obvious, the ordinary, the disappointments, the loneliness, the rejections, the heart aches and breaks—not to feel so I can live….this makes no sense huh, but it makes sense to the person who has learned to live life this way. Intriguing as it may be, so many live like this, it may be you. Living without feeling is a façade so many have learned to mask themselves with…… so desperation or anticipation is never apart of their game. If it happens it happens, if not I knew it—but I’m banking on not getting my hopes up ever again so I am not crushed, mutilated, incarcerated, or decapitated. Living this life is a life without faith because one who lives without feeling has been let down more times than they can count, more times than they can imagine or remember…..Living a life without feeling helps get the edge off and come to a place where they have to face faith– face to face, until living without feeling is a life one comes to understand cannot be not a happy place but more of a sad place……this place where you meet God and you have to decide to believe and trust that He can make you whole, He can make you feel, not just any feeling but a feeling that is unscripted and not easy to understand. Maybe, this is why my Savior said “Be not far from me”, as He spoke to his Father in heaven. Can the spirit take more than it was built to handle? How many seasons can a man suffer without putting his feelings on the line? Is this possible? Living a life without feeling causes the soul to sink into an abyss where it is hard to retrieve. Many live like this; many survive like this, in this thing called life—many wear their façade, many even die while living so they can live without feeling.

By Tina Kay Hughes, Author of “TKay’s Inspirationals: Walking In Your Season” www.tinakay.net

Missed Opportunities Bring Regret

Have you made the most of opportunities that stand before you? Opportunities are ever before you everyday of your life, and there are things that you can do to make the most of every opportunity.

It has been said that a group of elderly men were once interviewed about their lives. When asked what was the one thing that they regretted the most, many, if not most, said that they should have taken more risks in their lives. When you fail to take advantage of significant opportunities that are set before you, they will bring regret in your life. The key is understanding how to capitalize on each opportunities that present themselves. Here are three things that you can to do make the most of every opportunity that comes your way.

1. Carpe Diem (Cease the Day) To cease the day means that you make the most of every situation that lies before you. The noted Roman lyric poet Horace (Quintus Horatius Flaccus) wrote a theme in one of his poems that admonished the reader to Carpe Diem or “pluck the day”. In other words, make the most of each day. When you cease your day, you take advantage of opportunities that will not only make your day, but will significantly make memories and encourage you for a lifetime.

2. Forget the Past. If there is one thing that you must do in order to advance on in life, you must forget the past. When you forget the past, you will recognize the wind at your back, so to speak, to propel you forward towards a better day ahead. What is done is done. Yesterday is over and it is in the history books, so to speak. You have but today, so take advantage of today and set your sights on what’s ahead of you. By forging ahead, you will get rid of all of the should have’s, would have’s, and could have’s.

3. Enjoy Life. Opportunities are presented to you so that you can enjoy life. When your kids want to play ball with you, the excuses that you give them today will pale in comparison with tomorrow when you see them on their way to college. Enjoying life means that you take advantage of the people and the situations around you by making the most of them. Take your wife or husband out for ice cream on those hot summer nights. Go camping with the kids. Attend your local church and be a light where you’re at. You will not only brighten the people around you, but it could very well be that could impact all of your tomorrow’s.

The only difference between those who enjoy life and those that don’t is simple. Some have decided to Carpe Diem or Cease their day, while others did not make the most of the opportunities that stood before them. Take advantage of today, because missed opportunities bring regret.

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In The Palm Of His Hand

We all feel at some point in life that we’ve been forgotten by others, unloved, not respected, disregarded, and left out in the cold.  I find myself thinking this way countless times as a lie in a hospital bed wondering who really loves me, who is a real friend, who is really praying for me, who cares about my well being and who has my best interest at heart…Many years I considered Sickle Cell Disease as this thorn in my side or a curse but in actuality it is my blessing…it allows me to give others hope, when I need hope, it allows me to give others a healing when I need a healing, it allows me to help others believe when I need to believe….God never said this journey would provide you with only good things in life, but things we don’t suspect will and do happen, are the very things that happen to folk like me and you…This journey has been set up in such a way where you have to trust that God knows what’s best at all times, not sometimes…Even when you feel like you have reached your bottom with no one there to hold your hand, give a hug, a word of encouragement, an embrace or even a kiss on the forehead….Hmmm, God allows these thorns to be in our lives so we don’t forget that He is the one we need every minute of each day.

 

He has not forgotten you child!  Just know He always has you in the palm of His hand….giving you much needed rest when needed, protection when you need it, being your comforter by coming along side you when your path gets a little rough to hold your hand or even pick you up and carry you!  He has you!  Some days I feel as if we can’t fly because I have these broken wings….I’ve come to realize, my wings are not broken, God is just giving me larger wings to reach and acquire more territory… God will never forget you. Your name is engraved on the palm of His hand.  This engraving tells me I am forever His and He loves me enough to want to see my name to bring to His remembrance how much he loves and cares for me every second, every minute, & every hour of each day.

 

God is my love, my true love—I have to search no more!  By Tina Kay Hughes Author of “TKay’s Inspirationals:  Walking in Your Season, www.tinakay.net

Step Back

I’ll step back….I’ll step way back, from this picture right here and right now that is in front of my face….You know what, right now I need to go outside and get some fresh air, some good air, some rejuvenating air so that that I can clear my head….I need to think and get this thing together in my head before I loose it….but all I keep hearing is more of nothing from somebody who thinks they are saying something….I feel my temperature rising, I feel my body overheating like a car, I feel so dizzy like I might black out…so I walk and pace breathing in this night’s air so I can cool down and cool off….I look at the sky and even take a minute to sit on the curb and lean back so I can see what God is doing in the night’s sky with the stars….these stars are just a reminder of how God lead the Israelites from place to place over a 40 year span…..and I continue to think about how David ran and hid in caves from King Saul who wanted to kill David….Then I think of how Rahab the prostitute must have watched in the night as the spies fled from her home…..I also think of how Moses fled from Egypt after killing a man and how Moses watched over sheep in the night in a foreign land….I am reminded of the wise men who followed the stars in the night to find our Lord and Savior….Then I think how God kept them all in the night as they watched these same stars I sit here watching right now….God did not leave them and even though their hearts were heavy with fear, uncertainty, anger, and anxiety they watched the night’s sky like I am now as I breathe this air to calm my insides, to get my head right, to believe that He is truly with me no matter the circumstances…..So now I lay back on the grass and allow God to console my wounded heart, and this broken spirit…..I breathe watching the night’s sky, watching as God does His thing in the sky just as He does in my life….

As I continue to think God tells me don’t worry about a payback or get back just breathe—I got you! I continue to allow God to fill my head with peace so my breathing becomes normal….God says right now and right here—there is no time for revenge, anger, or uneasiness in your heart, this is not apart of the plan….I continue to breathe as He says, I have too many things for you to do, too many souls that need to hear about Me, too many miles for you to walk, too many people who need to hear your story, too many others who need to learn to just breathe….Then, He says let it go, push on, think about the good and leave the turmoil alone….Remember, my greatness, remember my grace, remember me and you will never be out of step or out of place, now my child walk on and do what you do….some won’t like it but you still do you…keep believing, have faith, learn to trust Me and most of all always love Me…continue to acknowledge Me in all your ways and I will surely direct your path…..remember I blew the breath of life into your body so you can do My work, so right now child I need you to get up and walk away, because at the end of the day your business should be My business and that is all that matters. By Tina Hughes author of “TKay’s Inspirationals:  Walking In Your Season”.  www.tinakay.net

Do You Feel Me!

Okay, I just heard something that feels like someone has punched me in my stomach, there are tears welling up in my eyes, and I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me. So I feel like I am bent over with my hands on both knees and my head down, while standing. Did I hear what I think I heard? In my head I am thinking to myself did you do this on purpose, what were your intensions, and do you even realize the consequences? I am trying to get my facial expression together before I lift my head, so how I really feel does not show all over my face. So I wait, in my head I’m beginning to think; how do I fix this, how do I make it right, how do I put this back together again, how do I pick up the pieces without leaving any behind, so maybe just maybe I can somehow become whole again. All of this is running through my head but I still can’t seem to lift my head yet, because now the tears are rolling down my cheeks and I just can’t let anyone see me like this….Oh Lord! What do I do? Who do I talk to? How do I move from this place without making a mess of the mess that is before me?

Then I think back about the times as a child when I fell down and my earthly father came to my aid and picked me up, dusted me off, and told me to try again—wiping away my tears. Right now, at this very moment, at this place in time I need that. However, I am still bent over trying to piece this puzzle together in my head so my heart will stop beating so fast—and my heart beating is all in my head. Then I hear a voice saying I am the lifter up of your head, I AM the great I AM-who do you need me to be, because I am all that and more. Then I hear the same voice say child I feel you—I feel every disappointment, every heartache, every hurt, every let down, every loss, every back stab, punch, and fall. Please believe my beloved—I feel you! I feel you, even when you can not talk about it, I feel it when there is no one you can trust to tell it to, I feel it when you chalk it up and hope it will get better—my precious I feel you. Then, the voice says you are mine, you’ve been mine before the beginning of time. I love you my beloved—no matter how anyone treats or talks to you, I feel you. Just know, I need you to remove yourself from situations and people who render you useless and not even worth your time. I wish you knew your value—I made you splendidly and I molded you in my very hand. I love you now and I will love you even until the end of times. I hope you come to know your own worth and value.

Help me, O Lord my God! Save me because of your unfailing love. Psalm 109:26

By Tina Kay (TKay) author of “TKay’s Inspirationals: Walking In Your Season”

Do You Have Room?

We have room for everything under the sun these days! Room meaning your time, attention, efforts, and energy directing at or being used for a specific thing or person. We make room for whatever makes us feel as if we have power, comfort, control and/or happiness. It is so funny that we read the nativity story and say I would have given up my bed and even prepared a feast for Mary & Joseph. That’s just it, we love to say what we would have done, but the truth about the matter is when we are in the moment, at a particular space in time, to make a decision that could ultimately affect someone else we don’t have any room for it.

This year I’ve been so lackadaisical about purchasing gifts because I’ve come to enjoy the company of loved ones verses what I can give someone that will only provide that person with a temporary emotion. What can be given to loved ones that will last forever—a lifetime? Memories, especially good ones, are a lot more important to me these days, than more gadgets, clothing, or figurines that only clutter my home even more. People don’t understand or even realize that all these things are taking up way to much room in their lives already. This year, as I do throughout the year, I have resorted to walking around my home and giving away things to people that will provide a lasting memory. I am baking and opening my cupboards to see what will benefit someone else and create lasting memories. Think about it do you remember what you received 5 years ago for Christmas. What are some of the memories you have from Christmases past?

Joseph & Mary were in desperate need of a room, someone’s room, anyone’s room and it is so ironic that no one had room for the Lord and Savior that we call upon everyday who always has room for us. I’m sure they never forgot the day Mary gave birth to her first son, who is God’s Son, and the Son that gives us access to God on a daily basis. Think about it, a stable with animals—imagine the smell. This is the memory that they never forgot all their days on this earth. On the day Mary gave birth no one had room or even wanted to make room for a couple who had a child on the way. Do we have room for Jesus Christ in our lives or do we have so much going on, too many things in our home (and lives), and trying to get this and that causing us to completely fill our schedules with lots of stuff, but no room for Jesus. I don’t really like clichés but Jesus is truly the reason for this season, make room for Him in your life, home, and in all that you do—He always has room for you.

By TKay (Tina Hughes) author of “TKay’s Inspirationals: Walking In Your Season”

The Battles We Fight

We all have battles that we fight or attempt to fight in life. Sometimes these battles catch us on our blind side where our peripheral vision does not pick up what is coming up behind us that has every intention to destroy our very being. There is a place in the bible where the Israelites who had been emancipated by God to start a new life started their never ending complaints. At this particular place in the Wilderness Moses decided to call this place “Massah (which means “test”) and Meribah (which means “arguing”) because the people of Israel argued with Moses and tested the Lord by saying, “Is the Lord here with us or not?” (Exodus 17:7) This was one of the many places the Israelites went into battle against another group of people. It was Moses’ job to lead and often times intercede for these Israelites who did not display much appreciation for the liberty God had given them. This battle required Moses to hold his staff up over his head, holding it with both hands. As long as Moses held the staff over his head the Israelites had the advantage in the battle. But it came a time over the course of the day when Moses grew tired, so two men found a rock for Moses to sit upon and the two men held up Moses’ hands so the Israelites were able to win the battle.

Our battles in this thing called life can sometimes leave us puzzled, dumbfounded, and left in disbelief because we do not know where these attacks are coming from, why they started, and what sparked these hostile encounters anyway. We push on living every day as if nothing is a struggle in our lives but we complain about the havoc that sometimes overtakes our homes, bodies, workplaces, churches, and our relationships to anyone who will listen. We tell everybody about how you just can’t take it any more or we just pretend like nothing is happening in our lives that is eating up our insides day after day. Moses knew if he did not do as God had instructed, his people—the Israelites would loose the battle. However, two men in Moses’ clan recognized that Moses needed help.

In our own lives when we have total turmoil going on in our lives there are people in our midst who recognize the help you need and may even try to help you, but you push them away because you are embarrassed or too full of pride to accept the assistant God has laid at your feet. Then there are others who love the drama so they refuse the help because they don’t know how to live drama free. God is never deficient in the help He can provide for us nor does He have a limit on the number of people He can send to help you through these on slaughters of your life and spirit.

Accepting help, no matter the situation, does not mean you are weak. We all have issues in life that cause us to accept the strength, love, prayers, endurance, and a helping hand from someone God has sent especially for you. Today, let someone find you a place to sit and rest, so they can help you lift your issues and your head up to God, because our true help comes from God.

By TKay (Tina Hughes), author of “Walking In Your Season”

www.tinakay.net

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